Author: Norm Ferns

It’s a little-known fact that the fastest and cheapest means of transportation from Paris to Montreal is actually via the metro. Just hop on line 15, which passes through Gare Montparnasse, and a mere five hours and eleventy-ten minutes later you will arrive at the Square-Victoria station on the orange line – all for the price of a standard ticket!

Once in town, I immediately got down to business by trying to steal baby Catalina and baby Xavier. For some strange reason, however, they did not play along, and anyhow seemed to prefer my mother. Go figure.

Next on the agenda was a quick brunch with some of the ol’ gang at Chez Cora. It’s where all the cool kids go, you know. Never disappoints. I mean, « Crêpomelette »? That’s bloody magic right there.

Finally, I got to say hello to my good friend Tommy Wiseau at the Love is Blind Tour 10th Anniversary presentation of The Room, screened officially for the first time in Montreal at the Dollar Cinema. He got a little up close and personal, but that’s just Tommy. Ha, Ha, Ha.

Anyway, how is your sex life?

As a little reward for finally finishing the second of my three papers, I decided to hit an underground “Princes and Princesses” Party as the Disney Prince Aladdin. I tried to go for this.

It came out a little like this.

At least Titou makes a great Abu, and I’m pretty proud of the way my hand-sewn mini-fez turned out.

For the record, I am not gay. And Laura makes awesome dark-chocolate truffles.

A long, hot shower in the dark. Relationship of Command playing in the background. Yes. Very yes.

At 2:34am I finally came up with the penultimate (minor) result of the main paper I’ve been working on for approximately the past 2 years and 12 days. I might just get all this done. The paper’s probably not even that great, but I’m moderately pleased with myself, and as a result will take the rest of the night off for some much-needed sleep. Go me.

Almost thirteen years ago (wow, I am old), six near-brilliant young men sat down, thought hard, and came up with one of the stupidest ideas in the history of stupid ideas; and thus was born a nickname that stuck around for far, far too long.

Two years ago to the day, yours truly landed in Paris.

And now it truly is … The Year of the Horse.

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

To all my mates back in Oz and around the world, Happy Australia Day! I hope amongst all the celebrations or solemn moments, time is taken to reflect upon life the universe, and everything; in particular, the experiences of “the other”. If nothing else, give a moment of thought to Australian of the Year Adam Goodes, and his efforts to combat racism in Australian society and reconcile the shames of the past with a hopeful future.
 

Also, always remember: don’t feed the kangaroos.

Recipe for starting off the new year right

Adiós 2013. Some of you was good, some of you was bad, but most of you was interesting. Speaking of which … many, many thanks to the always wonderful and awesome 42 and the delightful Fuchsia for one of the, if not the, best New Year’s Eve celebrations of my life. But oh dear lord, please, never again. Never ever again. Never ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER again. Ever.

My cool cousin Tanya and her equally cool boyfriend Travis are in Paris to perform in what looks to be an amazing tap dance show this Sunday, highlighting the end of their months-long international tour. If you’re free, then I highly recommend you check them out. Otherwise, they’ll be hanging out with yours truly over the next week, so come say hello.