Author: Norm Ferns

The Larry Sanders Show

Hey Now!

Arcade Fire Fans

Safety Not Guaranteed

Crossbones and Spidey Plot Captain America’s Downfall

Win Butler and Régine Chassagne started off the show up in the balcony area amidst those who couldn’t make it to the floor –  a nice touch – before heading down to join the rest of the band and get things rolling. It was a very intimate, festive concert.  The atmosphere was great throughout and you almost felt like you were having a rocking party celebration with a room full of family and close friends.

I completely let loose and had an amazing time, headbanging and “dancing” like a maniac. Everyone did. The crowd was a great, friendly bunch. Afterward we all crowded onto the RER and people sang and chattered away into the night. For a moment, I felt like I was back in Montreal. Definitely an experience I’ll not soon forget.

Before the Show

After the Show

THE Arcade Fire

The Setlist (from ArcadeFireTube)

“Eliago … venitas … tu … supernas … mondos … inverna …”

Major Sebastian Bludd and Lady Jaye

Very Bad Trip

You can’t see me.

Jaye kindly played the part of guide, showing me some of the best Madrid had on offer, such as the Museo del Prado, and otherwise communicating with the natives in Spanish at a level that quickly put my own to shame. Of the places we encountered, Buen Retiro Park, a vast public park adjacent to the museum, stood out. Wikipedia tells me that its name means “Park of the Pleasant Retreat”. Indeed. Whether one is seeking a relaxing space to lounge alone or picnic with friends, or a public space for an intense workout, one will find it in El Retiro. The rose garden within is a hidden gem.

El Retiro

Fallen Angels

La Rosaleda del Retiro

My secondary reason for visiting Madrid was to have a nice change of scenery while trying to get some rather stress-inducing work done. On that point too, Madrid delivered.

I stayed at U Hostels, a “luxury hostel” operating in the heart of Madrid. There was a swing set just outside my door and I made good use of it each and every night. So obviously, I highly recommend the place. I booked a week in a 6-person mixed dorm. Most nights it was empty, save for me and a girl or two, all friendly and respectful – but good roommates in a hostel is just plain luck. The entire hostel was clean and well-maintained, and I was pleasantly surprised at how quiet it got within the room itself, whatever else was going on. However, the in-room wireless was pretty poor; so I preferred to work in the common areas in the lobby with occasional breaks in the cinema room. For some god-awful reason, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo was on popular repeat play with the kiddies, so these breaks were kept short. Very, very short.

My other favourite work spot was Cafetería Santander. The online reviews are mediocre at best. However, it was my experience while in Madrid that highly-rated establishments (cafes and restaurants) tended to be expensive and disappointing – bland food generally – while the lower-rated hangouts had the most delicious food at the best prices. I loved breakfasts at Santander – I always ordered the same item on the menu, and they always brought out a different dish; but whatever they did bring was fantastic, and usually better than what I thought I was getting. Great eggs. Great tea. Great desserts, oh yeah! The two waiters, one waitress, and manager were totally cool with me, night or day. It’s that sort of café culture – pop into a joint for a small meal and hang out all day, working and people-watching – that I sorely miss when in Paris.

Swingin’ at U Hostels, Madrid

Gran Cafetería Santander

The Amazingly Constipated Spider-Man.

Hey Paisanos!

Plaza Mayor

Fat Spider-Man and Mini Fat Spider-Man!!!

Puerta del Sol

Nerd that I am, I made a short trip to the National Science and Technology Museum of Madrid, located in an old railway station. From the reaction of the two guards at the front desk, I imagine I might have been the only person to ever do so; that is, visitors appeared to be a rarity. It had a few interesting artifacts. On the way out, one of the guards gifted me a Spanish-language DVD set containing lectures on infectious diseases. I’m still not quite sure what to make of that. Overall, small, cute, and worth a visit if you’ve got time to kill or are looking to add to your DVD collection.

Mad Scientists.

La Prophétie des Grenouilles: La Morte!

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Turbo Teen

Un Grand Bi

The Joker’s Daughter

Turtle Man Slows Down for No One.

The Legend of Turtle Man: the Aftermath

Devaki Quixote

See Devaki and Jaye.

See Devaki and Jaye Swing.

Swing Girls, Swing!

Train Station: The Next Generation

We had a rockin’ adventure in El Escorial where … well, you know, some things should stay just between the people who experienced them; the internet’s not great at capturing magic. Suffice it to say, we landed in town on the perfect day of the year for a visit. Great night, lots of fun.

El Escorial

Labyrinth

The Parade

We can dance if we want to …

We can leave your friends behind …

‘Cause your friends don’t dance …

And if they don’t dance …

Well they’re no friends of mine.

Safety Dance.

Danny Carey wishes he was this good.

The Lords of Salem

The Royal Tenenbaums

Back in Australia, a number of acquaintances kept raving about Chocolateria San Churro to the point that I became curious and decided to give it a try. I can only fathom such crud as being popular because the locals have no idea what good chocolate or pastry is like. On the opposite extreme – Chocolatería San Ginés! It has been making “chocolate con churros” since 1894. It is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is so delicious. So ungodly delicious. There are criminal things I would be willing to do for just another taste.

CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the face of one’s expectations, the reality of Geneva is a bit underwhelming, if not outright disappointing; it is perhaps fitting then that the U.N. sits there. Still, I only went in order to visit some of my oldest and dearest friends, and in that respect I had an absolutely fantastic time. To be fair, I’ve been told by those in the know that after three months of settling in, Geneva is a great place to be. Fair enough, I suppose; I’ve learned the hard way that visiting a place is nowhere near the same as living in that place.

Model U.N.

My fellow Marianopolis alumni, Felix and Marina, were gracious enough to host Igor and myself, respectively, though of course we all mostly hung out together. Seb was supposed to have joined as well, but visa issues intervened, as they tend to at the most inconvenient of times. Luckily we were still able to rope him in over Skype, and it was just like the old days.

That’s a knife.

That was the best part: being able to just sit, talk, and catch up on life as old friends do. There was a fair bit of dining out, and we had a lovely brunch one morning at Au P’tit Bonheur. Highly recommended if you’re in the area.

About the only other pleasant thing that comes to mind is the Jet d’Eau; literally a large jet of water shooting out from a fountain at the end of a small pier. Although much of the pier was swarming with tourists, the far end closest to the jet was mainly empty as people tried to avoid getting wet from the fine mist produced by the wind hitting the jet. So I headed over and was able to enjoy a very tranquil space in the heart of the city, the sound of the water drowning out all else.

Jet d’Eau

Bosom Buddies

The Ugly Duckling

A word of warning: shop around if you’re in Paris and looking to get Swiss francs. I ended up changing $300 USD for 240 CHF at 2 Place Saint-Michel, 75006 Paris, France – the best deal I could get on short notice. Other nearby foreign exchange offices offered me 170 CHF. I call shenanigans.

“What’s so great about Montreal?”

Maybe it’s because Montreal at its best is a place where you can be childlike at any age; where sometimes a bus stop is replaced by a set of swings; where people are driven and creative and productive, yet still know how to relax and enjoy life; where great science is being done; where there is great richness and diversity in people, belief, language, culture, and an appreciation thereof – something the government of the day just doesn’t get; where it’s okay to just walk up to someone and start talking, and where you might just make a friend. Maybe it’s something else altogether. Or maybe it’s not great at all – I am admittedly biased – but I don’t really believe that. I think Montreal really is great, and to see why you’ll just have to visit for yourself.

As for me … after a brief pit stop in Connecticut, I got a special ride back into town,

The Spider-Mobile

My Family

La Banquise

I visited another famous Canadian Norman

The Doctor

and some very good friends I had not seen in ages

Three’s Company

Two Statisticians and a Computer Scientist Walk into a Bar …

Free Hot and Cold Buffet. Also: Herpes.

The BEST Academic Supervisors!!!

Two Guys, No Girl, and a Bagel Place

A quick kiss

Svetla and Her Boys

Saying Good-bye.

and then I was off again.

Of course, there is so much more that I enjoyed than in these few photos: watching Breaking Bad with my cool roommates in the 341, dinner with Cait, workouts at one of my favourite gyms, babies and friends with babies, and every single night I got to hang out with Ivo, to name but a few. One of the best moments was a half-day spent with Crazy Russian Dave during which we zoomed around town on his motorcycle. I couldn’t stop smiling the whole day.

AWESOME!!!

The Village

I heart you, Montreal. Until the next time …

There are worse ways to spend a Friday the 13th …

… and Tobe Hooper himself is in town!

Toronto screams greatness. At least that was my impression during a quick weekend getaway. There is the sense of a city on the move, progressing, growing, evolving. Grandness. It’s something that is sadly lacking in Montreal, my favourite cultural hub. If only the government of the day in Quebec would worry a little less about the types of funny clothing people wear on their heads and worry a lot more about fixing the goddamned roads, rotting Montreal infrastructure, healthcare, education, and job creation. One of the first things I saw in Toronto was a pair of construction workers … working. At night, no less. I mean, really working. I never see things like that in Quebec. Seriously, FIX THE GODDAMNED ROADS, QUEBEC!

FIX THE GODDAMNED ROADS, QUEBEC

But I digress.

I hadn’t really spent any time in the downtown Toronto area before and I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. So, armed with two of my best buds – J.P. Budman and Mr Anderson – I set out to discover what the fuss was all about.

We didn’t get very far before discovering a piece of the homeland, in the form of Cora’s (better known as Chez Cora), my favourite all-day breakfast chain. In fact, many recognizably Quebecois stores popped up with shiny new-looking storefronts and weird anglicized names. As luck would have it, Stan the Man from Oz was in town just prior to beginning an exchange in the U.S. and I was able to introduce him to the delights of «les oeufs Ben et Dictine».

Delicious Crêpes … and an Aussie

Toronto has some pretty cool comic shops. I only managed to stop in to Silver Snail Comics (very nice), One Million Comix (also very nice), and the Hairy Tarantula (a true comic book store if ever there was one, with full-on hardcore geek / nerd speak throughout). Sadly, I’ll have to leave the Comic Book Lounge for my next trip. This last one seems like the sort of place I might enter and never ever leave.

Silver Snail Comics

The Comic Book Lounge

Aside from the recent McBaguette and the McPizza of my youth, I have vague recollections of trying out a McLobster sandwich somewhere in the USA (Maine perhaps?) many years back. However, as it happened to be available locally for a limited time only, I thought I’d take the opportunity to sample the regional speciality, this time around with photographic evidence for the next time I forget its existence and almost adequate edibility. Still on the to-do list: McAloo Tikki and McSpicy Paneer.

Dating Site Profile Picture

The Harsh Reality

The boys and I did a lazy wander around town to explore. Alas, the CBC shop (I had wanted a souvenir) closed down just a few months ago. We stumbled upon a number of interesting sculptures, ranging from the aesthetically pleasing to the just plain bizarre, and even walked along the Walk of Fame – though we couldn’t seem to find Wayne and Shuster.

All in all, it was really nice and easy to get around. The TTC is probably the best transit system I have used to date. It helps that subway cars are spacious and clean, and electronic signs helpfully point out everything, including which side the doors will open at a particular stop.

Toronto also has its fair share of lunatics. I left the boys at the hotel late one night and went to an all-night Starbucks to mentally recharge my introvert batteries and do a little work in my head (ah, the life of the researcher). After some time, a gentleman approached and introduced himself as “The Machine 2014” ’cause next year would be his year. He told me that all women are stupid because they didn’t realize what great catches real men were (shock-surprise twist ending: real man = The Machine 2014), that he hadn’t been able to hold a job since his ex-girlfriend had him arrested, details on the book he was writing at that moment, and that he was bipolar. He spoke on and on, but my mind quickly drifted back to trying to prove that a certain class of Lipschitz functions is actually the maximal generator of another class of functions, so I can’t remember what else he said; though I’m sure it was equally as entertaining. An interesting night, to say the least.

Find “Furry” Friendship. Indeed, Toronto. Indeed.

A Good Day to Die. Not.

A Comedy Legend

We met up with one of my oldest and dearest friends (and possibly the coolest teacher you’ll never have), the lovely Jada. A fellow fan of horror, cult, and the obscure, she told me about a very cool trash cinema night – that I just missed. Not to mention the TIFF Midnight Magic screenings going on right now. Toronto, why you gotta play me like that, girl?

I Spit On Your Grave

Yeah, here come the Rooster …

Zira, Cornelius, and the head of Dr. Zaius!

Friday the 13th Part VI: The Horse Lives!

I just barely missed the Game On retro video games exhibition when it came to Melbourne in 2008. Samwise Collins had regaled me with tales of its greatness, and so I knew I couldn’t pass it up when I saw the exhibition was currently on display in T.O. – and the 2.0 version at that! Second is the best, after all (first being the worst, and so on). It was held in the Ontario Science Centre.

The Ontario Science Centre. Oh wow. This place is legitimately too cool for school. When I get really excited, I forget that I’m supposed to pretend to be an adult and become the most obnoxious kid you can imagine. Thus is explained my behaviour that day. Buds, Kev, I’m sorry I abandoned you as soon as I saw all the fun games and interactive experiments (let’s be real for a moment here – toys for adults). I ran around and flapped my arms, and admittedly nudged more than a few 8-year-olds out of the way so that I could play such classics as: Pong, Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, and more – and I finally beat Tron!!! I thought for sure they’d have Zaxxon, Space Invaders, and Q*bert too, but these were nowhere to be found.

Game On 2.0 at Ontario Science Centre

Manna from Heaven

The rest of the exhibits at the centre were just as exhilarating, including displays on electromagnetics, kinetics, visual and auditory illusions, aerodynamics, paper airplane making, genetics and racial differences, and so on. Plus, the young staff all seemed to be decked out in Bill Nye the Science Guy outfits (at least to me) and were having a ball explaining science to little kids. I could definitely see myself quitting academia to work in a place like this.

Another great thing about the centre was that I got to scare people. I love a good scare. I got a little tired out from running around and being overstimulated. When I get like this, I become hypersensitive to stimuli – light, sound, touch, etc. become painful. Luckily, I spotted a replica of a cave in the middle of the interactive displays that seemed to garner no attention. The dark interior provided much-needed relief. I remained alone with my thoughts for an eternity, or more accurately, about ten minutes. Then I heard some children trepidatiously entering the cave. Being the gentle soul that I am, I scared the hell out of them and laughed for a good little while. The kids, being kids, thought this was the greatest thing ever, and together we did the same to the next group to enter. The ensuing screaming and laughter started to make this a bit too popular for my tastes, and so I made haste to the cave exit, whereupon I spotted Kev and Buds. I quickly sent them into the cave to be scared, and then ran off to have some more fun.

Boogedy Boogedy Boo!

Oh Smurf! Gargamel finally prevails!

Yes.

One of the best moments of this trip was being able to see my very good friend Eugene and his beautiful family again. Life being as it is, we hadn’t met face to face in over eight years. Good friendships, however, endure. He graciously offered to pick Josh, Kev, and me up from a subway station in his cool red car and drove us to his place in style for some suburban relaxation and some amazing BBQ. While Buds played with the kids, and Kev played with the kitty, Eugene and I spoke like no time had passed at all. Hopefully it won’t be another eight years before our next rendez-vous.

Schwarzenegger and DeVito reunite after eight long years!!!

The boys and I made good use of our remaining time in Toronto. We had some very good sushi, went out for drinks, and roamed around town. A big shout out goes to Greg (?) the CBC Radio employee who pointed us in the direction of Ossington Avenue to find some good places to chill. Greg walked and talked with us for about ten minutes, and we discussed our respective work and careers. That was cool.

Another big shout out goes to the dude at the theatre festival party who managed to scrounge up three leftover giant delicious chocolate brownies and gave them to us for free after I had asked him if he knew where I could get a real good chocolate cookie at two in the morning in downtown Toronto. This is my Canada.

Second-to-last shout out to the beautiful girls who turned up the music and started dancing to Hot Fuss at that last bar. Thanks for the memories.

And of course, the biggest shout out of all to my boys Big Kev and Buds, for putting up with me for a whole weekend, and for a really great time. Love you guys.

Pinkman and Heisenberg at the diner. Bitch.

P.S. Beware potential maniacs wearing sex, drugs, and RAP T-shirts.

G and I dressed to impress, hit up Mikes, and then went to the movies.

Playgirl 2013 Geek Edition

Since Margaret and David are taking a break, and Siskel and Ebert are dead, here are some reviews from yours truly. Spoiler alert, I guess.

1) This is the End

Good, really good, but not great. Critical raves aside, I guess my expectations were just a bit too high. I’m still not convinced rape jokes should be a thing … but if they are going to be a thing, they should be left only to comedians of extraordinarily deft ability when it comes to the art of crafting a joke. Such was not the case here. Also, wish there was more Michael Cera in it. Small complaints. Otherwise, a good film worth checking out. I enjoyed it more for its concept and originality than for making me laugh (but it did make me laugh).

2) Star Trek Into Mediocrity

Ooooooooooohhhhhh ……………………………………………….. yeaaaaahhhhhhhh!

Yaawn. Good Star Trek is an exploration of ethics dressed up as dumb action. This film was all dumb action. Nothing really makes sense. Your brain wants to turn off to enjoy said action, but the film is so utterly stupid your brain is forced to scream out to tell you so. They have … still … a transporter that can transport you basically anywhere. But they need to land the Enterprise on a planet and off again so that Spock can play in a volcano … yeah, okay, whatever. I guess it would have made too much sense to use your freakin’ magic transporter. And what a waste to have Robocop and Benedict Cumberbatch as the villains in the same movie. Either one alone is enough to carry a potentially great film; squeezing in both just leaves each with inadequate screen time. And with all due respect to Benedict Cumberbatch, Khan is not some whiny pasty-faced British-sounding emo bitch. Khan is a red hot blooded masculine beast of a man in the form of Ricardo Montalbán pretending to be an East Indian. I’m talking fine Corinthian leather here. To be clear, I’m not faulting Cumberbatch’s acting. There’s only so much one can do with poor writing and mischaracterization. And oh wow, but do they not think much of women: Uhura alternates between annoying constantly angry girlfriend and eye candy, and “Dr” Carol Marcus is there … to take her clothes off. Roddenberry would be rolling over in his grave, you know, if he had been buried. Don’t even get me started on Spock’s emotional outburst (a laugh-out-loud parody of a scene from Wrath of Khan) or the one-too-many oh-look-it’s-yet-another-exotic-looking-Star-Wars-alien moments. The actors are fine, the cinematography is fine, the writing is something you hope to avoid stepping on while walking down the street. Pass.

3) Man of Steel

Ooooooooooohhhhhh ……………………………………………….. yeaaaaahhhhhhhh!

Boy that Spock sure gets around, doesn’t he? But I digress.

The newest Superman film is in one sense as much a clusterfuck as the latest Star Trek, with the plot here revolving around central character and Daily Planet staffer, Jenny. God bless young, sweet, brave Jenny. You go girl. Anyway. What is strange is that it somehow works. One reason for this, is that it seems to comprise a vast collection of moments from popular blockbusters of years past: The Matrix, Independence Day, Alien, Aliens, Avatar, The Sixth Sense, etc. Another reason is that there’s this great scene wherein Kevin Costner gets killed for no reason whatsoever. If they put fictional Kevin Costner getting pointlessly killed on replay for like 45 minutes, that’s another blockbuster right there (I emphasize fictional here; the man has a family and kids after all). LOTS of sexual innuendo. Clark while atop Lois, relates how he can do things “no ordinary man can do”. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Need an array of penis-shaped missiles? Here, have an array of penis-shaped missiles. Clark and Lois fall in love, though they speak for a total of no more than five minutes, which mostly has Clark saying, “Hello Lois. So … did I tell you about the time I let my father die? And watched it happen? True story.” It has some truly great moments too: Superman’s father Maximus rides on the back of a flying dragon. There is a late, great Christopher Reeve digital cameo. Supes indirectly commits genocide. And ultimately, Superman kneels before Zod (as well he should). All in all, a great laugh-out-loud comedy.

Dave Chappelle suddenly decided he needed to do some stand-up at Montreal’s Just For Laughs Festival. I just as suddenly decided I needed to see him do stand-up at Montreal’s Just For Laughs Festival. I found this out about five minutes before tickets went on sale, and thought it would be a breeze to pick some up. Six hours and many cups of tea later, I finally managed to snag a pair of prime tickets to the last of ten scheduled shows.

My good friend D and I entered the theatre, hopeful but unsure of what to expect. After all, it had been a long time since Chappelle had been on stage, and mumblings of his shows earlier in the week gave mixed reviews.

Harold and Kumar go to Chappelle’s Show

The show was amazing, from beginning to end – easily one of the best I’ve seen (last shows usually are). The openers were Neal Brennan and Hannibal Buress. Brennan had a few good zingers and Buress killed, leaving the audience in just the right mood before the master took stage. Suffice it to say that by then Chappelle had finessed his material to the point where there were many hits, no misses, and you felt you were having an intimate conversation with him. A hilarious conversation.